i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize