Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
