he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
