I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
