I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
