Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize