HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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