Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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