Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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