I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
