God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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