dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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