is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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