there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
