so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
