I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
