i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
