ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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