He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
