Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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