I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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