I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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