Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Come share oat with me in your robe
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
