ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
