shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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