Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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