there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
