Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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