On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
