I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
