Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
