We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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