WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry about my life...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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