very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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