Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
