my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was CRYING into my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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