Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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