hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
