Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
