Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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