I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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