Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
