We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
