I met the friendliest cop last night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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