Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
