I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize