He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
