So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize