did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize