Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
