My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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