she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize