Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
