Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
