Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
