Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
