The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
