Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize