Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
