The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
