We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
