I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
