HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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