my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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