I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
