Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
