Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
