You can't motorboat a personality
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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