who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
