..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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