Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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